Disillusioned...

It's been a rough few weeks.

What with some of my closest friends leaving, being mugged, being sick (again), the difficult travels all the time from my rural home to Kisumu, adjusting to a new place and a new family, and just the daily harassment for simply being a white girl in Africa. I'm EXHAUSTED!!

Yesterday, after a difficult overnight bus trip from Nairobi, I arrived in Kisumu at 5:15am. I slept for an hour in the bus company waiting room with 10 or so other people, then searched for some food, then went straight to work. I was at work from 7am-4pm straight through. You can imagine how tired I was, and I felt a bad headache coming on. But I had to get my butt back to the rural home before dark. So I got on a matatu.

I F**KING HATE MATATUS!!!!!!

The asshole conductor took my money and then REFUSED to give me my change. Even though he, I, and everyone else in a 100 meter radius knew he was overcharging me. I must've argued for 10 minutes, but he refused to give it back. And I knew that if I got out and tried to find another one, the word would spread and I might have to pay even more. So I stayed put and gave that f**ker my death glare. He was unfazed, which pissed me off even more. I was actually about to start crying from the frustration, and probably would have had I not needed to yell and slam my window shut on guys trying to sell me crap.

I'm sick of being ripped off all the time, I'm sick of being called "mzungu!" and "hey white lady!", I'm sick of being asked to make Obamas, I'm sick of being touched inappropriately whenever I'm in a crowd. Basically, I'M SICK OF AFRICAN MEN. I miss being able to walk down the street and have NO ONE speak to me! Even when I got home and was swearing and half-crying under my breath as I walked to the house, all the little children and kids getting out of school were yelling out to me. I feel I HAVE to answer them (even though Ken assures me I don't). I don't want to be that asshole white girl who is so rude she won't say hi. But can you imagine just really needing to be left alone, needing to just cry and yell and let it out...and having people expect you stop and chat with them every 2 seconds?? OY GAVALT!! FREAKIN AFRICA!!

So yes, I had my big moment of disillusionment. I had my "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE??" freak out. I think I did pretty good lasting 5 months before having one! But now I'm going to make a list of the 10 things I love most about being here and things I still have to look forward to before I leave in May. That way, I can look at it everytime I'm feeling like I want to scratch the matatu guys' eyes out or curse and swear at a bunch of kids to just leave me alone. Haha. (I'm serious about the matatu guys though. One of these days...)

WHY I LOVE KENYA

1. My mom is coming to visit in just over 2 weeks!
2. I'm going to CAIRO for Spring Break to see Jesse and Anna.
3. The Lisa Frank-esque rainbow I see everytime I go back to my rural home in the late afternoon (it rains over the mountains around 4 everyday, creating the most gorgeous rainbow you've EVER seen...I swear I see leprechauns and unicorns dancing around the base). And the rain itself, cause it's always a fabulous lightning storm here!
4. Our cat at the rural home, who I call Kitty, who is just starting to trust me and likes to take naps with one of our dogs. And the cows and chickens in my yard who wake me up every morning and never fail to amuse.
5. My Sauri, Nairobi and Mombasa-(minus the dad)-families...and Ken of course.
6. Going out to shake-shake (aka DANCING), and having everyone say "are you SURE you're white?".
7. Paying the equivalent of about $3.50 for a movie, a hot dog, a big popcorn, and a big soda.
8. Piki-piki rides! (Motorbikes). Especially at night when I can look at the perfect perfect stars.
9. Learning how to cook African food...and having everyone be super impressed when I make cookies out of a Betty Crocker bag.
10. Having micro-braids...cause I haven't had to wash my hair in over 3 weeks!