just 3 weeks left

It has come down to this. I have under 3 weeks left in Kenya, and surprisingly, I'm not too unhappy about it! I thought I would be devastated when I had to leave, but I'm very excited to get back home and see how my life has changed. I'm getting that antsy feeling again, the one I almost always get when things have become too predictable and I need a change.

How can things be predictable in Kenya, you may wonder? Well, after 8 months here, even the unpredictable is still expected. I mean, come on. I saw the burned, charred body of a robber in a field with hundreds of people standing around watching, and I wasn't phased. I saw petrol tankers overturned on the side of the highway, and people waiting around with jerry cans to cipher the petrol, and I wasn't phased. I get marriage proposals or sexual harassment on a daily basis, and though the harassment annoys me, I'm still not phased. These are things I can stand to be without for a while.

What I will miss is the easy-paced lifestyle here. I've always had anxiety issues, and America apparently perpetuates them to the extreme. But since being here, very few things stress me out. It's a calm world, despite all the bad things, and it's a friendly world. It's like the mid-west on crack, actually. Everyone says hi to you all the time and genuinely wants to know about you. It will be a shock to get back to the stick-up-the-ass mentality of the northeast. I will miss all the amazing people I've met since coming here. I will also really miss the honesty and openness. Readjusting to being "politically correct" will be hard! I like that here, things that are obvious are not necessarily shameful. I get called "hello white lady!" all the time, and you know what? I respond with "hello black man!", and everyone LOVES it! I mean, whats the big freakin' deal about noticing that our skin colors are different? That's all we're saying. It has nothing to do with our personality, there's no judgement (except when people assume I'm super-rich and drive a Mercedes and have thousands of dollars to just hand out all time). But really, what has political correctness really gotten us Americans? It has done nothing to defeat racism. It just makes things tense and uncomfortable whenever you try to talk about the issues. Let's be real. I'm white. Other people are black. Others are mixed. Who CARES? So yes, being able to say "hello black man" has been the most liberating of my experiences here. Because I've realized there is nothing wrong with it. It's simply a response, not a judgement.

On a more personal level, I will really miss my host siblings and parents when I leave. I may have real siblings at home, but they are so much older that at times it can seem more like they are my aunts/uncles. Toti, my Nairobi brother, will be sorely missed. He treats me like an actual sister and I finally know what it would have felt like to have a twin. We get along SO well, and since we're the same age, we're at the same places in our lives. My Kisumu mom and dad, as you know, are very high in my esteem. I'm very close to my real parents and I've missed them while being here, and I was glad to have a mother figure for the past few weeks. I also loved my Mombasa mom and siblings. I miss them everyday and hope that someday, I'll be able to see them again. I just cannot visit because of their stupid, sexist, molester father. He ruined everything for me on the coast. And my darling Ashley has been like a sister to me as well. She's not Kenyan, she's from Arizona and is on the program with me. But we've been through it all together. We live in the same compound in Nairobi, she's ALWAYS at my house here, and I was ALWAYS at her house in Kisumu. I've slept next to her regularly and we share our secrets and stories and woes like sisters. I couldn't have made it through everything without her by my side. And she leaves in a week!!!! I may start crying right now actually. There are just too many hard goodbyes to make.

I've been so blessed by this year, this experience. It has changed me to my core. I see things so much differently now, but in a good way. I appreciate all I have more, I appreciate my lifestyle at home, I appreciate everything I've gained here. I love more easily, am more free with my emotions, and can laugh more easily. I also am better at empathy now, I think. When you've walked in other people's shoes, it's so much easier to understand. I'm so excited for the future and how this time will affect my life.

In the meantime, I am finishing papers, saying goodbyes, and preparing myself for reverse culture shock. I may be a bit of a hermit when I first get home, but I'm determined to use these changes in my soul to make positive changes in my life when I get home. I'm ready to tackle Boston and Madison with a new outlook. So get ready for me America! I'm coming home.